So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
