Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
