when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
