The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
