Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Randomize
