what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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