There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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