PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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