the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
