Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize