i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
