I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
