then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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