As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
