Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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