Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
