The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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