He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Farmville is her only friend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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