Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
