well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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