Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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