I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize