We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
