I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
