my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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