Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize