so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
