Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.

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(562): View more from California

I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?

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(208): View more from Idaho

Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore

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(804): View more from Virginia

Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?

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