Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You're like the curious george of whores
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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