She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
