i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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