Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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