I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
