I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
