You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
