he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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