So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
