dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
