it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize