i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
