Even the bartender felt bad for me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize