Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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