don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
