at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My ATM looks so different sober.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
