since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
