Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
