so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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