i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
