just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
