In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
