Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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