Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
