I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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