I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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