you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You need Xanax blowdarts
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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