I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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