You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
