HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
