I got chris browned last night
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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