I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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