We're like a lot better than the average bears
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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