my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
