This house was built for laser tag.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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