i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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