The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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