This girl is more easily done than said...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
