I'm really into asian looking animals
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
