So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
