She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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