Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
