Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize