I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
