And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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