I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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