you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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