Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
