Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
