I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He has the fingertips of a God
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