I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
