I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
