Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
