No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
