Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize