masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
