Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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