I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
