So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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