and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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