Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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