i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She even gives head with a lisp.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
