so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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