I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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