I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
